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Spiritual Abuse and Purity Culture

I grew up in a faith community that strongly emphasized a purity culture. That emphasis resulted in a lot of shaming that still lingers in my heart and mind. Shame for wanting to express my innate sexuality that isn’t about just a physical act, but rather about stepping wholly and fully into who I was created to be.

This journey to wholeness isn’t easy because of the way purity culture weaved sexuality and God intricately together. Sexuality and faith are so closely tied in my mind that’s it has been difficult to separate out what God believes about me as a sexual being and what the church believes about sexuality. If I wanted to please God as a young woman, it meant silencing and repressing a very part of who I was with the idea that all of those repressed feelings where magically supposed to manifest into a healthy, intimate, sexual relationship once you found “the one.”

This is spiritual abuse.

This is spiritual abuse that has caused so many women and men to feel broken, beat up, disappointed, and rejected by God. This is spiritual abuse that has triggered depression, anxiety, guilt and shame, and entitlement. This is spiritual abuse that has excluded so many from a community of faith because of “sexual misconduct,” leaving them lonely, afraid, and hopeless.

In order for that brokenness to heal, we have to talk to others who have been on the same journey we have. We have to be open about the negative impact this spiritual abuse has caused us personally and in our relationships. We have to talk about this, so that this spiritual abuse cannot continue. We have to talk about sex and sexuality with our children differently.

We have to talk about this because the gospel message is not one of shame and guilt. The gospel is hope, healing, and wholeness.