I Corthinians 9:22: “I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some,” has long been my personal mantra. Although I do believe that it caught my attention from an outside influence, I can’t even pretend to blame the flawed theology that I personalized on anyone but myself.
I have long relished in being a people pleaser. I use the word relish very deliberately because being a people pleaser provides a constant ego boost and a strong almost indestructible front to hide behind. Really what could be better? Everyone around you thinks that you are unselfish, humble and is astounded that you are such a “giver.” To have a verse like the one above provided even more justification for me to continue in my people pleaser ways. The following verse reads, “I do it all for the sake of the gospel.” What better trump card to be able to challenge anyone who tries to knock down the carefully constructed facade I had worked so hard to build.
The end of verse 23 reads, “that I may share with them in its blessing.” Honestly, this is what it was all about for me. I have always been, actually chosen because it is not an innate unchangeable part of who I am, a people pleaser because of the ego boost it provided. Not too fun to admit, but I have to. I can’t pretend anymore to be someone I’m not. I can’t just smile and nod. I can’t hold my tongue. I can’t live in fear that the people I love won’t accept the real me. It’s crippling to constantly live in fear of disappointing those you love. What I have realized and have yet to learn is that I am actually disappointing those I love even more by trying to please them rather than being me.
So I am turning in my hammer, nails, 2 x4s, and duct tape and instead picking up a sledgehammer.
Let the walls come down.
And you can’t free nobody else
If you can’t be true to yourself
If you’re looking for a miracle now
Buddy, you better be one
All alone, on your own
Let the walls come down
Let the love come through
When it all comes down
Well, it’s up to you
Let the walls come down
Let it all come true
When it all comes down
It’s up to me and you
Kris Kristofferson