On being exhausted

There’s something extremely fulfilling about being exhausted after giving yourself to service for a week. Whether that service is in giving yourself to hard work digging ditches or painting or moving for someone else, the fatigue of straining your physical body and mental capacity results in an tiredness that you just can’t get any other way.

While I am ready for sleep and excited to be back from the week, the fact that I feel so good about being tired causes me to pause and reflect on why I decided to participate in this weeklong mission experience. It was certainly a part of my job expectations and that was partially the reason and I knew that it would provide an experience to grow closer to the youth, but I am scared that the main reason that I engage in missions is to make myself feel better about investing in other lives.

That might seem like a fear that I should quell with the satisfaction of knowing that lives have been impacted and being even changed forever; however, I can’t help but challenge myself on my own reasoning and my own ulterior motives.

This life is so much bigger than me and the people that I was in community with this week. It’s not about me and it’s not about you.

Exhaustion is a way my body reminds me that no matter how much I want to be, I am not in control and I cannot live beyond the constraints of being a human being that has limits.

And with those thoughts, goodnight!