Tuning into the world and people

As I am working on my last year of seminary, I am realizing I’ve become accustomed to telling my story.

And my story has hurt and disappointment in it not only at the denominational level, but also at the personal level as I expressed a call to ministry, but there has to be a point where I move on and start telling my call narrative from a different starting point. And if that’s the case, then can I really freely give mercy and grace to the people and institutions that have hurt me?

It’s a tough question for me to wrestle with because I am not sure that the people or institutions necessarily understand the hurt they have caused and if I don’t express that I have been hurt as well as others, then is there a chance for change? Or maybe concentrating and centering on my own personal experience isn’t what’s most important in this discussion. In fact, maybe centering my whole call narrative around myself is….well, selfish.

I have been wrestling with this because I don’t want to be a student or a minister whose church rotates and turns around me, but rather I want to be a mediator, a provoker of thought, a challenger and if that’s the case, then it’s time for me to tune into the world and people around me much more than I tune into myself and my experiences.