This note fell out of my car yesterday. I found it in the parking lot as I was putting Ben back in the car and headed to Emmanuel Baptist Fellowship. It happened to fall into my path at a moment when I was thinking about the brief time I have with left with my Emmanuel family and wondering whether I am doing this all wrong.
I certainly have had enough people explain to me that sharing with my church that I was resigning before I had something definite lined up was the wrong way to do things. It isn’t wise. It’s not how it’s done. You have a family.
And their chorus of doubt has been ringing in my head and my heart as I wonder the very same thing, especially as I remember how we as a family have been loved and supported during the past two and half years. Sam and I had just gotten engaged when I accepted a call to be their Interim Pastor, and now they have watched me learn how to parent, learn how to pastor, and literally transform as I carried and gave birth to Ben.
So why do it? Why put yourself through the uncertainty of not knowing?
Because I could feel the restlessness that has always indicated to me that God is speaking and calling me toward something else. For me, it has never been that what is next is clear and certain, but that God calls first, asking and inviting me to step out in faith yet again.
Just to be clear, I’ve never liked this process. I’ve begged and pleaded with God if this time could be different. Couldn’t I get just a glimpse of what’s coming, so at least I could sleep at night? I imagine God smiling, hand outstretched and responding, “You know that’s not how this works.”
So, I walk on toward an unknown future, following after Christ who called me to lead and guide God’s people because like MH, I love church, too.