Even in the midst of this week’s storm, we have been able to sneak in our morning walk. Yesterday as we were walking, I was struck by the brightness of blooms. The way that they were glistening with the previous night’s rain only drew me to them more.
Have you ever woken up in the morning after a tough night that was filled with tears trying to hide the puffiness around your eyes? Trying to hide the fact that last night was a tough night?
I don’t know why, but I have always tried to hide the effects of crying. Maybe it’s because as a professional woman I didn’t want to be considered too emotional? Maybe it was because crying is an intensely vulnerable thing? Maybe it’s because at least when I cry, it isn’t one single tear, but a messy all-in experience?
As I walking yesterday after the rain, I felt tears streaming down my face. There was something about this after the rain world that gave me hope. It made me think that after the storm we are encountering there might just be some beautiful blooming in all of us. It made me hope that we would always appreciate a beautiful flower that can stop us in mid-stride drawing us in with its uniqueness and complexity.
These last three months, I have cried much more often for you and for us. For the lives lost and the plans canceled. I’ve cried for the doctors and the nurses and the scientists. I’ve cried for our kids and our grandparents. I’ve cried because there are no words and too many words. I’ve cried because I’m exhausted and everyone is exhausted.
After those tears, for the first maybe ever in my life, I haven’t gotten up and tried to hide the puffy eyes and cheeks. I’ve let me face and soul glisten in the rain of those tears showing that something beautiful is growing.